My poppa has Alzheimer’s, dementia, what ever the Western mind calls the mind slowing down and going into a different direction. My poppa san is different now. Once the man who could climb anything, win all and create, meditate, pray and console, is now different. At first being the healer I am, I wanted to save the soul from its own journey and create health and wellness in the midst of drama and confusion. I held out my hand to a man I felt was sinking fast, you know to pull him to safety. He reached out and let go just as I was about to pull back. It was a slow sink…filled with guilt and shame and sorrow and pain. It was damning for a healer, I lost my drive to heal the body and went into reading and healing with my voice. I without knowing let that part of me die along with the power and the ego and the I’ll save the world attitude. I crawled into myself and only let God speak through me. I gave up in a way, as my father declined. I was telling my higher self, “If I can not save my poppa than why try?” Now as I look back it gave me yet another lesson or five.
Fast forward a few years to now.
I get a text from a dear friend.
My dad just got diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer’s. 😥 I was with them today at the appointment
The breath left my lungs, as those words sunk in…Feelings came back… What do I say? So, I went into my heart and came back with this:
Can I express my love for you right now…Can I be here, with you? I am, completely
My father is too…he’s in a memory care unit now. Life is different …but I thank God every day for the blessings, for the beauty that it brings to our lives… He’s not the dad I knew, now it’s someone different, kinder, softer, gentler, so sweet. I love him now more than ever. He says things that make us giggle…he is my father But the tears still come for the man I once knew…
Life is forever changing… Never ever the same Life is a journey into the unknown…lifting us higher to the state of love. Love differently than before, but stronger and different.
I was so mad at my mom and my family when my father went into memory care. For 6 weeks I would not talk to my mom, brother, or sister about this turn of events. I cried all the time, I felt helpless and lost. Then my sister went to see him and wrote me a long letter. My father helped a man that they thought would die. He was…leaving himself and not wanting to live. Then my father enters the picture, and this man changed. My father was making a difference to someone I didn’t know. He was happy and up and moving and doing really well.
Stop….Laura, what are you doing? Who are you? What are you? Go into who you are now and tell yourself what you’d tell others. Trust God. For he never, ever leads us where we do not have to be. Let go, Laura. See the beauty or see the pain, it’s your choice. Make it what you want. I changed my heart from sad and mad to happy and glad.
Now months later, I am happy once again. Seeing that God always leads me down the road of prep to help others walk the road, to see the light where darkness lingers. To learn to trust that God has our best interest in mind. That he never leads me or my family down a path that isn’t the brightest, the best, exactly where we are meant to be. Now, I see, my pain, my darkness that turned to light is now here to help others. It’s a beautiful thing when you get it down. When you start to live the life you were always meant to live. Happy, bright, positive, glowing, abundant, joyful, peaceful. It’s all a choice. Choose to see the darkness. It lingers near, enveloped in fear. It is there to pull you down…to see only the negative, to live in fear and pain. OR…you can choose to live differently. To see the beauty. Every single moment is a choice. Every single thing…is a choice of you wanting to live in the light or sink into the darkness. I choose the light. I may be swept away every now and again. God testing me…LAURA…ARE YOU SURE? LAURA? WHAT IS YOUR TRUTH? DO YOU TRUST? DO YOU REALLY, REALLY TRUST GOD? DO YOU REALLY LIVE THAT WHICH YOU PREACH? DO YOU REALLY? FALL DOWN LAURA AND GET BACK UP…THAT’S IT, HERE IS MY HAND, I HAVE YOU LAURA. I LOVE YOU. I AM HERE. I AM.
Blessing to all who’s eyes have read these words.
-Laura Kuhl
Madison-based psychic and medium. A 4th generation Intuitive Healer/Reader and Psychic as well as a Level 1, 2 and 3 Reconnective Practitioner
If you are interested in learning more about Laura and her work, call or text for your next appointment. 608-217-7689 e-mail @ soul2soulreadings@gmail.com
